In the spirit of brightening your holiday season, we gleefully bring you the “Non-Traditional” top 5 Christmas Traditions. Sure, we could highlight the more mainstream ones like decorating, gifts, food (roast beast!), movies and Christmas baking, but we all know that there are also those unofficial traditions in countless households every year that add smirks to your festive smiles. So, Merry Ho-Ho to you, and without further delay (as Christmas is coming), we present the ‘Top 5 Non-Traditional Traditions’. Here we go…
5. The Plastered In-Law. Family gatherings at Christmas only guarantee two things: gifts and overindulgence. Inevitably, Uncle Bob will get “snookered”, spill his food on the floor, and call the host a pet name rhyming with witch. You will find him sleeping in the recliner until his wife rattles him loose… or the booze runs out.
4. The Crappy Gift. Usually purchased by men, usually last minute, usually under extreme duress or guilt, usually sucks. Here is a tip: the 24-hour pharmacy and gas station are not the preferred centres of the gift giving universe… C’mon man; you had 365 days to figure it out.
3. The Family Squabble. Usually associated with number 5, The Plastered In-Law, but sometimes these things have a life of their own. Usually perpetuated by women, usually carried on for years or even generations, usually over something insignificant, usually about the hearsay that someone thought they heard, but was in fact untrue, or they didn’t hear it correctly, or it was misinterpreted, or it was never said… Who knows? Those folks have long since been divorced or they’ve died.
2. The Inedible Meal. If only there was a test for hosting! Maybe it was edible 6 hours ago when you first started cooking it, or maybe you believed that if you watched enough episodes of Gordon Ramsay or Rachael Ray, that you would magically turn into a gastronome genius. Wherever you derailed, all we know is that we’re swinging by McDonald’s on the way home. We love ya, but there ain’t enough pumpkin pie and whipped cream to wash the aftertaste of that meal away.
And the number 1 top Non-Traditional Tradition…
1. The Spoiler Alert for the Pre-teen. There ain’t no such thing as Santa Clause. It’s just Mom and Dad. Thanks a lot to my older brother – what a jerk.
